From a second time mama to a new mama
Dear Mama To Be,
When my baby boy arrived, I felt wildly unprepared. No class, book, or advice could have fully prepped me for the whirlwind of having a newborn. Maybe it was me. Maybe I didn’t listen. Or maybe not everyone was completely honest.
“We’ll just scare you.”
If I had known what I know now, I would have been terrified. As I get ready for baby number two, here are ten pieces of advice I wish someone had shared with me before my first baby entered the world. I’m reminding myself of these things as I prep for baby number two:
1. Trust Yourself
It’s your journey, your story, and their story. Trust that you are writing the story that is perfect for you and your baby. Everyone will have opinions and advice, but you will figure it out.
2. Take Care of Yourself
Taking care of yourself will seem nearly impossible during the first weeks. Basics like sleeping, showering, and eating can fly out the door because you are always taking care of someone else. But when you take care of yourself, you help everyone, including your baby.
3. Ask for Help & Take Any Help
Part of taking care of yourself is asking for help. There is no need to be a supermom. I spent too much time trying to do it all myself and burnt out. Raising a child takes a village. Use any help available—family, friends, or a doula. Tell them what you need.
4. Breastfeeding is a Choice
Breastfeeding is a choice, not a mandate. There is a narrative that “breast is best,” but do what works best for you. I struggled with breastfeeding and felt hopeless. If you want to breastfeed, that’s great. If it’s not for you, make peace with it. There are many ways to feed your baby.
5. Every Phase is Temporary
Every phase feels like it will last forever, but it won’t. The newborn stage felt never-ending but suddenly it was over. If you’re having a hard time, remember it’s just a phase. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.
6. Treat it all as an Experiment
Treat every day as an experiment. What worked yesterday might not work today, and that’s okay. We tried different bottles, formulas, and gear until we found what made our lives easier.
7. Just Buy the Thing (or all the things)
If something will make your life easier, buy it. Don’t feel guilty. Do whatever you can to survive. I spent far too much time feeling guilty for buying last minute things. When I look back, it was completely worth the money and the experiment. If you need help with a list, check out my essential list here.
8. Say the Thing. Say What You Need. And then Repeat.
Communication is crucial. My husband and I thought we had great communication skills, but it turns out we needed to be more explicit. Say what you need and ask for help when you need it.
9. Forgive Your Partner (or whoever is helping)
With over-communication comes honesty that can be hard to hear. Kindness is difficult when you’re sleep-deprived and stressed. Forgive each other for things said during the newborn phase.
10. Your Best is the Best
If you’ve taken the time to research, set up a bassinet, or bought a onesie, you’re already doing great. There’s no need to compare yourself to others. You are best for your baby.
Bonus Advice: Find moments to just soak it all in
Don’t move so fast. Breathe in the moment before it escapes you. You will never be this young again. They will never be this little.
- Smell them.
- Cuddle them.
- Hug them.
- Take photos and videos (you’ll want it)
- Document the moment
Mama, your life is about to get crazier, noisier, and smellier, but it’s also about to be filled with more love, joy and laughter than you’ve ever known.
Motherhood has forever changed me to be a better person and human.
I’m so excited for you and to hear how newborn life goes for you!
Cheers,
Kristie
